Spring Has Sprung!

Finally! We've had some sunny, warm weather! It's been a long cold winter and poor little Emma doesn't yet know the joys of spring time. I suppose she got to enjoy some nice weather when she first came home from the hospital, (and that one brave day while still in the NICU that we took her on a walk OUTSIDE!) but she was so tiny then and rather unware of the crazy world she was now a apart of. Now she is old enough to be curious about everything going on around her!

Yesteday was a nice warm afternoon. The sun was shining. The sky was blue. The wind was merely a breeze instead of a forceful gust as it has been on every other half way decent day recently. I decided we should go for a walk and, if we were lucky, find a playground. Part of my reason for wanting to do this came from browsing through my pictures of dear, sweet Emma and realizing that almost all of them were taken on my living room floor or in her high chair. I figured if I didn't start taking her places and capturing it on film that she will grow to think that she spent her first year of life couped up at home! So camera in tow, we headed on our walk.

Right away, I could tell Emma was loving the weather and the fresh air. She tilted her head up towards the sky to feel the sun's warmth. She turned her head to the side, getting a bit of protection from her carseat, and let her eyelashes flutter when the wind blew gently across her face. The sounds of the cars going by facinated her. She'd turn her head towards the road, trying to see what was moving past her, but unable to because she was nestled in her carseat atop the stroller. As the car passed, she'd look at me is if to say, 'Did you hear that, Mommy?' Another car would pass, and and she did it all over again. She rode contentedly for our mile long walk to an area of Somerville called Davis Square. We first made a stop at Starbucks (Mommy needed a little refueling!) and then headed over to a little park that had a playground.

It's been quite awhile since I've been to a playground. I wondered if there were some rules I needed to follow (You know me! Ever the rule follower!), but all I saw was a sign saying that the playground closed at sundown. There were two other women with strollers already there. For a brief second, I wondered if we should go to another playground. Perhaps we were intruding. Then I realized how silly I was being. There's no 'one child per playground' rule. Perhaps we would even start chatting. After all, don't mommies meet other mommies at the playground. (I have a lot to learn about the mommy network I think!) I pushed the gate open and navigated my stroller down the little sidewalk and onto the woodchips that covered the area under all the equipment. I looked again at the women and they appeared to be young nannies who would have no interest in talking to me. That was fine with me. I was here to play with Emma.

I pushed our stroller over to the swings. It's funny - swings haven't changed at all since I was little. What's to change though, I guess. The original model still works just as well. I parked our stroller next to one of those little bucket swings. It was black with two openings in the front and two in the back for little legs to poke through. As I first put Emma in the swing, I was a bit nervous. Perhaps she really was a bit too small to be riding in the swing. She was leaning forward and I though if I wasn't careful, the could easily tip forward and fall out - she is still a bit top heavy afterall. Not exactly the playground moment I would want to capture on film!

At first, she didnt' seem to know what to do, but she soon leaned back a bit and I realized -duh! - let her lean back on the back of the swing. Once in a comfortable position, I gently pushed she swing back and forth. She again delighted in the breeze blowing on her face and through her hair.

She touched every part of the swing trying to figure out exactly what is was. She watched the ground move back and forth through the leg holes under her. She loved it!

After a bit, I decided to put her on my lap and ride in the big swing. It didn't quite work though as the swings were a bit too high, and perhaps not made for a 30 year old woman to ride in. I couldn't hold Emma with one hand and boost myself up onto the swing with the other. Perhaps, this weekend, when we go to West Hartford for Easter, we'll ask Daddy to take us to the playground at his old elementary school. He can swing with her and perhaps go down the littlest sliding board, or maybe just pretend to, with her on his lap.

I tucked Emma back into the stroller and walked another mile back home. Not wanting to go inside just yet when we arrived home, we sat on the front steps for a bit talking to our neighbor and waiting for Daddy to come home. I took off Emma's socks and let her wiggle her little toes in the breeze, which excited her to no end!

It was a delightful afternoon that Emma and I both enjoyed! It was the kind of day I day dreamed about while I was still pregnant. The kind of day, that just a few months ago, was afraid I might not get to experience with her. It was perfect. I look forward to many more afternoons just like it. Thank goodness Spring is here!

Chaning So Fast!

My sweet girl

Emma has always amazed me. From the day she was born, good or bad, she has left me in utter amazement most days. The last two weeks have been no exception. I suppose it might be her age. She will be 9 months in less than 2 weeks, quickly approaching toddlerhood. (How did that happen?!) Whatever the cause, my little monkey has learned so many new things in the last week or two! She's like a little sponge, sopping up new things wherever and whenever she can!

Playing with her new phone and hamming it up for the camera!

In this short period of time, she has learned:

-To roll back to tummy! Finally! One day at parents' house, she was on the floor playing while I was bringing in groceries. On my way to the kitchen, I glanced over and saw her reaching, as she usually does, for a toy that was slightly out of her grasp. I stopped to watch a bit and all of sudden she managed to push herself over far enough to get on to her belly! I couldn't believe it! I feel like we've been waiting for so long! I put my groceries down, ran over to her, praising her all the way, and proceeded to try to get her to repeat her newest trick. She, of course, would not. I tried again when everyone came home from work, but alas it seemed it was a fluke. Then one day this past week, Wednesday to be exact, she did it again! And again! And again! It is the cutest thing to see. She only rolls in one direction, but we're working on the other side. That, however, means that when that is mastered, she will be able to get herself from point A to point B! Something, I am fearing!

-To wave! I always wave at Emma and often wondered when she would wave back. One day while being silly, I was waving like a maniac. I stopped and soon after, noticed Emma looking at her arm and sort of shaking it. She looked back at me so I waved again. As before, she stared at her arm and shook it. Back and forth we went until she finally realized what she was doing. Now she will often wave when someone waves at her. If she's particularly focused, she will even wave when asked to do so. And on one, very exciting Saturday, while sitting and waving with Daddy, she said 'Bye, Bye' a few times mimicking Jeremy. She hasn't really said it since, but it was 'Bye Bye' clear as day!

Hi, Mommy! (Please excuse the hair! It's a bit of a challenge these days!)

-To clap! The day after mastering waving, I was clapping for Emma, as I often do. Sometimes I clap to praise her. Other times I clap to teach her. And sometimes I clap just to make her laugh. She sometimes finds it hilarious! I brought her hands together showing her how to move her hand like mine. When I let go, she moved her hands all by herself in a clapping motion! She loves doing it! She doesn't really make any sound, her hands don't always quite touch, and she often hits the back of one hand with the palm of the other, but she claps proudly and it's adorable! She most definitely will clap when asked to. If I say, 'Emma clap' (and she's not distracted with something more exciting) she claps! Without me clapping first, she responds only to the words 'Emma clap'! Pretty amazing!

-To 'pose' from the camera. For as long as I can remember, I've been trying to get candid shots of Emma. She is very aware of the camera though. Especially my new one as there is an orange light that comes on when I press the button half way. Usually it results in her staring blankly at the camera. Lately though, when she sees that orange light, she stops what she's doing and gives a big cheesy grin! It's hysterical, adorable and only slightly frustrating.

Smiling and posing for the camera! Seriously! This is not what she looked like before that little orange light came on!

-To take her bib off! Luckily, not her mealtime bibs ... yet. Just her drooly bibs. I fear her diaper is next! She seems to have discovered it and likes to tug at it when it's on and pull the clean one out from under her while I'm trying to change her.

Brunch at the club after church. She's not standing up on her own yet, but I'm sure it's right around the corner!

All this on top of the arrival of her first two teeth! Not to mention all the things she's 'trying' to do - feed herself, get up on her knees, etc. And things I'm sensing she understanding - what 'mama' really means and the questions I ask her. Here I thought I was asking her questions just to make conversation with myself for her benefit, but my mom and I both think she actually understands a lot of the questions I ask her and is responding, but we just haven't figured out how to interpret her responses yet! Do I have a brilliant and amazing baby or what?! Okay, maybe I'm just a little bit biased, but for a kid who could have easily had a lot of problems in the area of normal development ... she's pretty darn amazing! And changing SO fast!

The Wait Is Over!

Emma has teeth!!! Her bottom two teeth have both arrived. I thought the day would never come! I noticed sometime last week that her gums around one bottom tooth looked a little different. There was a white spot that eventually began to look like her gums were wearing away over the areawhere her tooth was barely visible. A few days went by and I could clearly see the tooth, now completely free of the gum that had once coverd it. On Saturday, we were out to lunch with my parents. I was keeping Emma occupied by feeding her some pears. Each time she took the pears off the spoon, it felt as if the spoon was dragging across something sharp. I reached my finger in, as I had done many times before to no avail, and felt a tooth! I couldn't believe it! An actual tooth! FINALLY!

The next day, I peeked in, something that is not very easy to do, and found that the tooth sitting next to the new one had begun it's journey to the surface. I saw the same wearing away of her gums. Sure enough a day or two later I could see the tooth, uncovered. Today, I reached in again and felt not one, but two teeth. They haven't risen very high, but I think in a few days, her smile will look very different! I wish I had pictures, but Emma won't open her mouth to show her new pearly whites unless she's laughing hard or crying loudly! Oh well, it's not the prettiest thing to look at right now anyway.

Emma's favorite new teething toy

At Grandma and Grandpa's house, we discovered that Emma's new favorite teething toy is a spoon. Nothing fancy. Nothing made of brightly colored plastic or rubber. Just a plain old spoon. I think the cool metal felt good on her rapidly changing gum line. She probably also enjoyed the sound her new tooth made on the spoon, not to mention the sound the spoon made when she was banging on her high chair or stroller. The best part was that it had a plastic handle making it easy to hold and providing another teethable surface. She loved it so much we took it shopping with us. I did feel a little silly pushing this little girl in a stroller while she clutched her spoon, but she was happy so that's all that really matters. (I'm just thankful she didn't drop it or throw a fit when I took it away when we got in the car.)

I have no idea when the next two teeth will make an appearance, but I think anticipation is highest with the first tooth/teeth. I'm sure I can be more patient in waiting for the arrival of the rest. We'll just enjoy the ones we have now and keep a supply of clean spoons!

Grandma even shared her spoon with Emma at brunch on Sunday.

Sorry I've been neglecting the blog. I noticed I only posted 4 times in March! Oops! Last week, Emma and I were in Pittsburgh visiting my family. We have lots of fun when we are there, but there really isn't much time for the computer. We flew back home last night. My darling angel slept for the whole flight! Much appreciated, since she was the only baby on a plane full of business men and women! Now that April is upon us, I'm hoping to post much more frequently! Emma is changing so quickly (and we'll be so busy packing up our house in preparation for our move) that I'm sure there will be lots to report!

A Girl and Her Feet

We've made a surprising discovery ... Emma is a monkey. She has to be! I've never seen a child use her feet more than Emma. Her feet are a second set of hands. If she's sitting up, she uses them to kick toys away from her. If she's laying down, she uses them to balance toys, hold toys, grab toys and bring them to her, etc. I'm afraid she may grow up and eat with her feet! How shocked she will be when she discovers her feet are really for walking. I think she really has developed so many uses for her feet to do everything in her power to avoid rolling back to tummy and crawling. Here are some of her newest demonstrations of transition from baby to monkey!

Look, Mom! No hands!

Fighting with her elephant

Reading a magazine

Playing with Daddy's giant slipper (sorry it's upside down ... silly Blogger)

Playing with her new ball

Told you she'd try to eat with her feet!

Shaking a rattle while her hands are busy with another toy! (She put the rattle on her ankle, not me!)

Feet are an excellent tool when trying to collapse your activity mat.

Holding the bag steady with her feet so her hands are free to bat it around!

Two Thirds of a Year

Emma is now big enough to sit with Winnie instead of laying on top of him!

Emma is 8 months today. Two thirds of a year. Thirty -five weeks. She has been home from the hospital for 6 months. 3 times longer than she was there. She has been in our lives for as many weeks as I was pregnant with her. Only 4 months until we celebrate her first birthday. I know every month I say that I can't believe how quickly time as gone by, but for some reason, this month seems to have gone by even faster (maybe because February only has 28 days). 8 months seems so much older than 7 months. I don't know why. I guess it's similar to the feeling I had all through my 20's. Every year I couldn't believe how old I was, but by the end of that year, I felt like I was still so young. That is until I hit 30. Now I actually feel like a grown up. I'm sure by April 15th, I feel like 8 months isn't such a big deal, but 9 months is momumental. (Hmmm ... Emma will be 9 months on Tax Day.)

Jeremy was proud to show Emma where he spends the day when he's away from her. She seemed excited to see MIT. Or maybe it was just the silly face I was making to get her to smile.

Emma makes strides every month, but this month has seemed like a biggie. Actually this week alone has brought lots of new things! Emma is sitting up for long periods now. She still tips, but I don't have to sit behind her with my hands ready to stop her. Today she sat on my bed playing with her little music/ activity table while I folded laundry. I think she only tipped once in the time that it took me to fold a whole load. She even rode sitting up in the shopping cart at the grocery store (although it didn't last long) for the first itme. She continues to roll whenever placed on her tummy. She prefers to roll to her right, but we're working on rolling to the left. She's not crawling yet, but she has started pulling her legs up under her and pushing herself over to the left that way.

Emma enjoying her first biter biscuit

When her Early Intervention therapist came on Friday, I was so excited to show her Emma's new tricks. We hadn't seen her for two weeks so sitting and rolling were BIG news to her. Of course, as soon as she got there, I said, "Emma has tricks to show you!" She was very excited to see what Emma had in store. I placed Emma on her tummy knowing she would just roll right over like she had everytime I put her tummy in the previous 3 days. Of course, Emma being Emma, what do you think she did? Oh she just layed there as if she LOVED tummy time! She finally rolled over, but had to be coaxed. Then I said she could sit for a long time. I sat her up and let go. She proceeded to topple over almost immediately. I don't know why she is bent on making me a liar, but apparently she is! Anyway, she finally did show her therapist just what a big girl she is and how long she can sit up all by herself. She also noticed her pulling her legs up under her and asked if she'd been doing that a lot. I said that she had in the last few days. She was very pleased with all her progress.

As if the rolling and sitting wasn't enough for this week, today my sweet angel, my little lovebug made me the happiest mommy! She said, 'Mama'! I'm always trying to get her to say Mama and Emma, but she usually responds with 'Bababa', a growl or a raspberry sound. Today was different though. I slowly said, 'Mama' emphasizing the mmmm sounds and she responded with the sweetest little 'Mama' I've ever heard! Now I know she probably didn't realize exactly what she was saying, but I will admit that it brought a tear to my eye and I've continued to try to get her to say it all day. She did repeat it several times, but is being a little stingy with it. Jeremy, although crushed that she didn't say 'Dada' first, was also very proud of her.

Daddy and his little girl spending the day in Boston

She has become quite a funny little girl. She seems to do many things with the intent of getting us to laugh or cheer for us. We are predicting that when she gets a bit older, she will be the kid who's always dressed in a costume and putting on 'shows' for anyone who is willing to watch. I imagine that she will be quite the entertainer. Perhaps she got a bit of a dramatic streak that tends to run in the Birnie family. She seems very pleased with herself when we provide the response she is seeking. She is in constant motion, using both her hands and feet to play with her toys. Watching her play is so amusing!

Making one of her funny faces

I'm looking forward to see what the next month brings. I have a feeling it will be another big one! In the meantime, here is a video of one of Emma's finest and funniest moments of this month.

Emma Discovers a New 'Toy'

Big News!

Emma is as excited about everything as we are!

We have big news in more areas than one! It's an exciting time in the Leghorn house. (No, no. Emma is not going to be a sister yet. The news isn't that big.)

First, Emma rolled over today!!!! Finally, after thinking she may never do it and worrying more and more as the weeks ticked by, I put her on her tummy in her crib this morning and she rolled over. I thought it was a fluke so I put her back, but she did it again. By the end of the day, she'd done it 10 times! I'd say that's not a fluke. We were bummed when she stopped rolling after her last surgery, but always thought it might have been by accident back then anyway. Now we are so excited that it's clearly on purpose. She really tried to roll from her back to her tummy too, but couldn't quite push herself over. I suspect that will come in the next few days. Sitting is also going really well. I still can't plop her down and leave her, but we're getting close. When she starts to tip, she's able to balance herself. She really only tips over when she gets too excited or tilts her head up too far. It's all happening so fast. One day she couldn't sit or roll and now all of a sudden she can do both! We're so proud of her!

Emma is apparently surprisingly strong. Jeremy lifted her up and she brought the big pillow with her!

Our second area of big news is that we're moving! After almost 3 years renting a condo in Somerville that we have really loved, we bought our first house!

Our new house ... in a few months

Although this condo holds a lot of memories, both good and bad, and has meant a lot to us, we're ready to be in a home of our own. I couldn't have imagined when we moved in that we'd need more space, but even with only one tiny little girl, we're starting to outgrow this house.

Jeremy will graduate from MIT in June and start work at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard in July. We took a few day trips up to the area to scout out towns and neighborhoods in the area. We thought we'd move to Portsmouth, but couldn't find much of what we were looking for. Now that we have Emma, our ideas of a perfect home have changed. We really wanted a newer house in a subdivision with a yard and lots of other kids around. Portsmouth seemed to be consist mostly of older homes close to the downtown area. No yards. No garages. No driveways. Not that appealing to us. So we settled on Dover. We actually just ended up at an open house one day in Dover while we were driving around looking at listings from the outside. We loved the house and the neighborhood. The realtor said Dover was great for young families and that we'd easily find a place that we loved.

The next weekend we went back up and saw several houses with our realtor. We could've been happy in any of the houses we saw, all of which were in nice subdivisions. After that trip, we thought we'd decided to build a house in a new subdivision that was using geothermal heating. It seemed like a good investment since the 'green' thing is becoming more and more popular plus we'd save some money on our heating bill. In the end though, we decided that the house we really wanted was just too much for us right now since we know we'll be selling it in 3 years. We decided to bid on a home we'd seen, but not really considered at the time. It was bank owned so was a bit of a risk, but if we could get it for a good price, we knew it would be a great deal. We put in an offer and after a few back and forth counter offers, the bank accepted and so did we!

We had the inspection last week and all went well. A few minor things to fix, but all in all, a great house! It's a 4 bedroom colonial with an open layout kitchen, family room, formal living room, dining room, finished basement, two car garage, a deck and even a little room off the kitchen that will be perfect for a playroom for Emma. It needs a little love - paint (the old owners really loved beige and wallpaper), some new light fixtures and a little carpet cleaning - but it's only 7 years old so it's in pretty good shape. The yard is huge so Emma will have plenty of room to play. We close at the end of April and will probably move in the middle of May. It's all happening so fast, but we're so excited!

Our new family room

A partial view of the kitchen and the dining room in the distance

My parents were in town this past weekend, their last trip to our condo. Emma and I took them up to see the house and the town.

Emma decided to put her feet up and relax while we were at lunch in Dover. I actually put her in the stroller so she'd have room to stretch out instead of sitting in her car seat where she'd be in ... well, this position. Silly, Emma!

They liked it and saw the potential that we do. Everyone is excited about the new house and all the fun things we will experience in it, but it was sad knowing this was my parents' last stay in this house. We've been so lucky that they've been able to come visit so many times while we've lived here especially since Emma was born. It seems like just yesterday that they were here giving the place a good scrub down in preparation for Emma's arrival, not knowing that she would be born two days after they left. It doesn't seem too long ago though they drove all the up here from Virginia with me to help us get settled or that my mom and I got lost trying to find Mass. Ave on our way home from Linens and Things with new curtains for our living room.

Grandma took Emma shopping at our favorite store - Janie and Jack - and oufitted her in this adorable bathing suit. I bought her the hat and a matching cover up. She'll be the cutest baby on the beach this summer! The bag is, of course, Emma's favorite part.

We are all going to miss Boston. There are important pieces of us all over the city. At least, we'll only be an hour or so away so we can visit those places frequently. I'm desperately hoping the weather gets nicer soon though so I can take Emma down Newbury Street or for a picnic on Boston Common just like I wanted to do last summer, but didn't get to. We'll be trying to make the best of our time left here, but I know the weeks will fly by just as the past 3 years have!

The Results Are In ...

I finally called the hospital on Monday to get the results of MRI. I figured waiting a week to hear something was reasonable and a phone call wasn't out of place. Our surgeon's assistant said she couldn't give us the results since she wasn't a clinician, but that the doctor would be in and out of the office the rest of the day and she'd have her call me back that afternoon or the next day. I was sure I'd be calling again today, but only an hour or two later, I received a call!

The surgeon started by asking how Emma was, checking to make there hadn't been anymore swelling (not even a little since surgery!), and continued by telling me that 'Everything looked fine,' and 'There is nothing of concern on the MRI.' There was a little tiny 'but'. She has 'asymmetry of the ventricles' as a result of her shunt. One ventricle has collapsed and the other hasn't. It isn't something to worry about, but could look concerning if I'd seen the MRI report without an explanation. She said it's a very common occurrence in shunted children. The smaller ventricle is usually, as in Emma's case, the ventricle in which the ventricular catheter is placed. It causes that ventricle to drain a little more than the other. I don't know the extent of the asymmetry, but a suspect some of it, if only a little, may be just the way Emma was built. Thinking back to all her spinal taps, when the ventricles were measured after each tap, they were never exactly the same size. One was always slightly larger than the other. It was only 2 millimeters or so, but it was still a difference. Her surgeon said they might even out as she grows, but if they don't, it doesn't matter. So, I would have preferred if the result was, 'Oh they are both perfect and exactly the right size!', but the important thing is that the shunt is working and her ventricles aren't continuing to grow! Mission: accomplished. For now, anyway.

A new view of her shunt -- It now has a lot of very blonde hair growing in over it.

A side view -- definitely a bump, but soon it will be completely hidden.

On the topic of our new concerns: teeth, food and a rash, we had a visit with Dr. Sullivan today. Aside from some apparent anxiety over the exam table (She screamed every time I put her down on it and stopped when I picked her up.) which didn't exist before, we had a good visit. I guess getting 3 shots and having a terrible experience trying to have an IV placed in 10 days has had a negative effect on her feelings about exam tables. Despite a tiny weight loss (less than an ounce), Dr. Sullivan was happy with Emma's growth. She continues to be at the 25th - 30th percentile for weight. The weight loss was really a result of me feeding her right before she was weighed at her last weigh-in. She was 15 lbs 15 oz 10 days ago and 15 lbs 14.2 oz today.

Our skinny little thing practicing her sitting (Ignore the mess! I'm trying to purge junk!)

As far as the rash goes, she suspects it might be a strep rash. Apparently, a baby can get it from his/her diaper. She did a strep culture from her diaper, which of course Emma HATED! She wasn't convinced it was strep so until the culture comes back, she prescribed another cream to treat a yeast rash. The Lotramin hasn't been doing much so hopefully this will help. There is still a small possibility that it's just eczema, but that doesn't show up in the diaper area usually. The other red spotty rash everywhere else actually is eczema so we'll continue to put Aquaphor on -which feels delightful (ugh!)- until it goes away.

The food issue is a little less of a mystery. She didn't think it sounded like allergies which made me feel better because I was beginning to think she'd have to drink formula and eat applesauce for the rest of her life. She suspects that her digestive system is just having a hard time adjusting to the new bulk in her diet. We'll start over and go a little bit more slowly this time while trying to work out the issues. I'm going to introduce each food one at a time all over again and look for any of the signs I suspected were clues to a reaction. (I even made an official fod journal to keep track of each new food, the amount and any reactions to it.) She also suggested giving her a little prune juice and/or water after she eats solids to help with digestion. I'm now ready to tackle solids anew!

The bib says it all especially if feeding her continues to go the way it has been.


It's a rare occurence, but Emma is now sometimes able to feed herself!

Finally, the teeth .... "Are we getting any teeth?" she asked. I told her of the joke my mom and I had about teething and that I really hoped she saw something in there. What did she see?? Teeth! She said she definitely has them. She can see the clear part which I guess is how they appear from the top before they fully push through. She couldn't give me a date for the arrival, but it could be in the next few days or sometime in the next month. She said she made the mistake of saying that she saw another baby's and they'd pop through in a week only to have them come back at their next appointment still toothless. She's seen them come up within a few days though. The important thing is that I'M NOT CRAZY! She said she is probably feeling the pressure of the teeth pushing their way up causing her discomfort. So some of her whining has been her teeth after all!

She will have to go back in about 3 weeks to get her second flu shot (Babies need a booster.) and her last RSV vaccine! I'm not looking forward to it, but it should be over quickly. I was hoping they would be her last shots for awhile, but a month later she'll be going in for her 9 month appointment and will need shots then. After that though, we'll be done for awhile. I feel like we can breathe easy a little bit now. Nothing really to be anxious for in the next few months. I'm sure Emma will find something to make my mind and heart race, but hopefully nothing earth shattering. Let's be honest though, I'll be on pins and needles this week just waiting to hear if the strep test came back positive. Will I ever get to put my worries to rest?

It looks like Emma's not so sure about me putting my worries to rest either.