I Almost Forgot

My mother called me this morning on her way home from church. It was our second chat of the day actually. 'Do you know what day it is today?' she asked. All the usual possibilities ran through my head. Not my birthday. My parents' anniversary? Not that's after Christmas. Someone else's birthday? Someone else's anniversary? And then it came to me. Emma's anniversary.

One year ago, I fell while carrying Emma. One year ago, terror ripped through me thinking I'd broken Emma's back. One year ago, on snow covered streets, we drove Emma as fast as we safely could to Children's Hospital fearing our Christmas had been shattered. One year ago, Emma had emergency surgery to fix the shunt that had never really worked in the first place. And one year ago tomorrow, she woke up, for the first time since her shunt had been implanted, without a fluid filled lump on her head.

December 21st, 2008 - Home from the hospital ... again ... less than 24 hours after her emergencey surgery to fix her shunt. What a little peanut!

I can't believe I almost forgot. I didn't really forget. I've been thinking about it for the last few weeks. Knowing the day was coming, but not really wanting to think too much about it. I still have superstitious tendencies when it comes to Emma. Expect something too much and the opposite will happen. So I wasn't allowing myself to recognize that we had - almost - made it a whole year without swelling or surgery. Of course, the little voice in my head was always there counting down the days. I can't believe I didn't wake up today knowing exactly what day it was. I guess that's a sgn of how good things really are these days.I finally feel like I can close that chapter in Emma's life. That emergency shunt revision was the last event in Emma's first year from which I marked time.

I know we're not out of the woods so to speak. She could have a shunt malfunction at anytime, but that part of our lives, worrying everday that the lump was getting bigger or more tense, is over. That part of our lives when every minute was spent wondering if this surgery would work is over. It did work. It's worked for a year now and we are grateful.

So this Christmas instead of worrying about her stitches or that she wasn't eating or drinking or that she had thrown up three times on our way to my parents or making sure we knew where the directions to Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh were, we're just enjoying Emma - her new words (which at this point come too quickly to keep track of), her silly dancing, her wild hair (perfect for a girl with a shunt), her tendency to wear hats backwards, her many different smiles, her simultaneous fear and love of Santa - all the things that make Emma who she is, even her properly working shunt. What a merry way to spend Christmas.

Our silly, stylin', smilin' little Sweet Pea - December 18/19th 2009 - one year 'post-op'!