Let Her Cry?

What a day! Emma did not repeat her good night of sleeping last night. She was difficult to get to sleep to begin with and woke partially a few times before really waking up to eat at 3:00. I don't know if she ever really fell back to sleep before rising to eat again at 6:30. The rest of the day she was fussy. Crying for what seemed like no reason. Calming only when being held and rocked. I had trouble getting dressed and even finding time to get in a meal. Around 1:00 this afternoon, I finally decided that we needed to get out of the house even if I hadn't had my lunch. I needed to get out some engery and run some errands at the same time. I also know that when Emma is in her carseat riding in the car or in her stroller, she's a happy girl. She is either sleeping or taking in the sights. True to form, she slept the whole 2 hours we were out.

My major concern, aside from the feelings of being a terrible mother when I feel annoyed and angry that she won't stop screaming, is that she will be 3 months old tomorrow. She is now at the age at which many people say she will start to learn certain behaviors - good or bad. For example, she may begin to learn that if she cries enough, I will rush to her side and do whatever is necessary to get her to stop crying. She uses this already because she likes to be held and is more comforable sleeping in a curled up position. When we rock her to sleep and her butt hits the bed, the waterworks begin. I don't want to spoil her and have always said that I would let her cry so that she would learn to soothe herself and not use her tears to get what she wants. I know that's easier said that done for any parent and child, but with Emma it's even harder. I'm already concerned abour her head. The shunt site looks too big to me and when she cries, it gets bigger. I'm afraid if she cries too much, she will hurt herself or keep the shunt from healing. Therein lies my dilema. Do I let her cry? Or give her what she wants until we have this whole shunt thing worked out?

We're getting better at accepting the shunt, but it heightens our concern over every little thing. When she cries, we're always worried about whether she's just fussy or if she's sick, in pain or telling us her shunt isn't working. If she gets sick in the future, we will always have to assume that it could be a shunt malfunction. Until things get settled and we know it's working and heals properly, we will constantly be battling ourselves about whether we should make exceptions or raise her the way we would if she didn't have these medical problems.

I'll count my blessings though ... at least she's happy and healthy overall. On most days, we can enjoy everything with her that we would if we weren't dealing with all the other stuff. It's a good thing she's so cute too! I can't stay frustrated with her when she flashes her big toothless grin!